WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
