Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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