This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
