I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
