did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
