walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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