My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
