i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
