her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
