I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
