Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
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