dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
