You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
