another moral hangover. fuck.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
