you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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