oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
