She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
