either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
