you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
