i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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