We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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