So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
