so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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