1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
