my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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