listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
