: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
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