I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
