is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
