I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
