my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
