Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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