it hurts more in the daytime
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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