I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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