I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
