did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
