But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
