She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
