if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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