Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
