i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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