did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
