When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
