Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
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