The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
