I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
