so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
