My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
