did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
