he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
