break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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