And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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