my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize