Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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