She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
