You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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