I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
