I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
