so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
