It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
