Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Of course I have a pirate flag
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Randomize
