i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
