You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
