Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize