Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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