So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
