I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
