A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
