Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
