You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
