did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
