oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Randomize