Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
