the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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